Let’s talk about depression
Photography by Danielle Ann Rose @bydanielleannrose
*Trigger Warning*
Depression: Feelings of severe despondency and dejection
Clinical Depression: A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life
There is so much I could say about this topic, but for today I want to focus on the signs and symptoms you can look for if you believe that you or someone you love could have depression, and how best you can support them, from my perspective and opinion. Please take all of this with a grain of salt, as I am not a trained professional, I am just sharing my points of view and experiences
The first thing I want to say is, if you are experiencing depression, or symptoms similar, please remember that you are not alone, the way you’re feeling is completely valid, and it’s perfectly okay to take time away from regular life, to be there for yourself
Even though it might feel difficult, I think it’s really important that you communicate the way you’re feeling to someone you trust, you do not have to explain why you’re feeling the way you are, because honestly, you might not even know yet, but letting someone know where you’re at, is a really good first step to moving forward. Speaking from personal experience, friends and family probably won’t know the right things to say and might get it wrong by accident, try not to take it personally, be kind to yourself and accept their help when they offer. They love you and will want to help you get through this
I highly recommend reaching out to a mental health professional for advice and support, depression is treatable and you don’t have to feel this way forever. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help, your health is a priority and mental health is equally as important as physical health. I’ve added a few resources at the bottom of this page for reference, however, finding a therapist or psychologist near you will probably be the most beneficial option
If you suspect somebody you know is experiencing depression, remind them that you care about them, chances are they feel very alone and probably don’t feel like they matter to anyone. Letting them know that they have your love and support can open their eyes to the possibility of feeling better. Emphasise that it’s okay, and not their fault, if words aren’t your strong suit and it feels appropriate, give them a hug or hold their hand. Ask them if they need someone to talk to, offer to listen and be present with them, acknowledge their feelings and always be sympathetic
It’s important not to ask them why, or what they have to be depressed about, we don’t want to invalidate their emotions or experiences. Allow them to express themselves, without fear of judgement or embarrassment - When I was feeling my lowest and didn’t know what to do, all I wanted was a hug and for someone to tell me I was going to be okay. I remember going up to a friend at school and without saying anything, I pulled up my sleeve and showed him the cuts on my wrists. He instantly hugged me and asked me if I was okay. I obviously wasn't, but I still to this day appreciate his immediate kindness and understanding. He didn’t get mad at me for self-harming, he just showed pure compassion. I will always remember how I felt in that moment, and be forever grateful for the way he showed up for me
They’ll need a strong support system, so check in on them and offer to do some of their daily tasks, suggest they take that time to do things for themselves, like having a shower or something relaxing and therapeutic that they might enjoy. You never know what a difference it’ll make when you help lift some of the weight off their shoulders
Depression is draining and exhausting, and they might not know how to break the cycle they’re in. They will probably feel like everyone has their own things going on, and reaching out for support would be a burden on their friends, let them know that you are there for them and that it’s no trouble for you, ask them what you can do to help. It could be that they need more human connection, or even just to feel heard and understood, be open to hearing what they have to say, and never assume you know what they need. When we say things like “I’m here if you need me” it can feel like empty words because they won’t know what they can actually come to you for, and sometimes people don’t feel comfortable asking for something that hasn’t been specifically offered to them. We’re all guilty of saying things like that and we do it with good intentions, but it’s time for us to do better for our friends - This is a reminder for myself as well
With compassion and understanding ask them if they’ve spoken to a psychologist, they might not have because they feel ashamed or embarrassed to, so encourage them and remind them that they can get better, depression is treatable and recovery is possible
They might seem fine one day and then down again the next, depression can come in waves, so be patient with them. They might feel like they’ve overcome it and then fall back into a low emotional state, this can be extremely disheartening, so remind them that they are still making progress. Healing does take time, don’t give up on them and don’t let them give up on themselves
Symptoms can be easily hidden, so if you’re unsure what to look out for, here are some signs someone might be depressed:
Out of character isolation, if someone seems like they are ignoring you, not texting back or answering your calls when they typically would, this could be a sign something is wrong. If this is the case, don’t judge them, or take it personally. Continue to reach out, let them know that you love and support them and keep trying to brighten their days. This way they know when they’re ready to talk, you’ll be there
If they seem disinterested in things they usually love and enjoy, this could indicate that they aren’t feeling like themselves. Lack of interest and enthusiasm for their favourite things usually points to apathy. Apathy isn’t the same as depression, but it can definitely be a symptom of it
Emotional outbursts and misdirected anger can be a noticeable indicator that someone has a lot on their mind. If they seemingly overreact to things with anger or visible frustration, you’ll want to tread lightly, but it’s still important to check in and see if they need a friend
A more obvious one could be closed body language. Someone constantly having their head down, hunched shoulders, and avoiding eye contact, are all physical reactions to the mind feeling emotional and overwhelmed. You also might notice that it takes them longer to perform normal routine tasks, or that they are just moving slower in general
A significant change in appetite, whether it be eating a lot less or more than usual, both are common when someone is dealing with a large amount of anxiety or sadness. Although these symptoms aren’t unusual for someone with depression, they can be dangerous, so it’s probably best that they speak with their doctor about what action they can take
Pay attention to their energy, usually, we notice when someone we love has been quiet, but another sign could be if they’re being more extroverted than normal. When someone is trying to overcompensate or hide how they are really feeling, they can put on an act to try and distract themselves and others from what’s really going on with them. Especially those people in your life that you may consider the “strong” or “happy” one, everyone has emotions and goes through tough times, so please don’t forget to reach out to the friends you assume are “killing it” at life
When they recently had a major life change, it doesn’t matter if it’s perceived as positive or negative, any type of change can be overwhelming for our nervous systems. So remember to check on your friends who’ve had a baby, moved away, started studying, had a breakup, lost a loved one, ect because when we finally achieve a big goal or suffer a great loss, it can trigger a number of powerful emotions within us, that we don’t fully understand or know how to process
For example, someone with a newborn baby. When you go over to meet their brand new bubba, don’t forget to touch base with the parents and see how they’re holding up. Their lives just changed, and sometimes it can take some time for them to adjust. Bring them pre-cooked meals, offer to help with laundry, or look after bub while they have a nap or shower. Give them the chance to do things that they love, not just things they do because they’re a parent, allow them to remember who they are
Never underestimate that even the smallest of gestures can make the biggest difference for someone who’s feeling like life is just too heavy. Holding space for them, and allowing them to feel safe enough to face off with their emotions, is such a beautiful gift to give someone you love. No matter how uncomfortable it might seem, speaking to them about it and encouraging them, can give so much hope and remind them that there is light at the end of the tunnel - When I was really struggling, the few main things that helped me were small acts of kindness from friends and loved ones. One of my friends used to come to my house every morning before school and make sure I got out of bed and started getting ready before he went back home to get himself ready. A seemingly small gesture, that ultimately supported me to change my life for the better
Depression can be scary, and supporting someone through it can be too, so if you feel overwhelmed and out of your depth, please know that you can reach out to any of the resources linked below, or even a trained mental health professional, support is always available
I hope this can help you to identify when you or someone you know is struggling, or needing a friend. Let me know if you have absolutely any questions at all
Call 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support
Texting option available on 0477 13 11 14 between 12pm - 2am
Live chat option available online between 7pm - 2am
Call 1300 659 467 for 24/7 counselling
Live chat option available 24/7
Online depression/mental health assessment
Resources and support
Headspace have centre’s all over Australia, if you need information or someone to talk to, they’ll set you up with expert support
24/7 affordable online counselling for individuals, couples and children
A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide
