Finding and loving your authentic self
Photography by Danielle Ann Rose @bydanielleannrose
I’m at a point in my life where I feel confident in who I am, and what I stand for. I don’t feel the need to justify myself, or shrink myself down to appease other people, but this wasn’t always the case. I hate conflict, and found myself being quite the people pleaser to avoid it at all costs, which ended up costing me a lot.. my peace. I still hate conflict, but I’m no longer scared of the other persons thoughts of me, I’ve learnt what’s worth my energy and what’s not, I stand up for what I believe in, I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong, and I give my whole heart to everything I do
When I look up the words “authentic person” on the internet, the explanation given is: “An authentic person is defined as someone who isn't afraid to be true to who they are, including their personality, values, and principles in life. They don't bother compromising the entirety of who they are just for the comfort of others”
So how do we find our authentic selves, in the same world that suppressed us in the first place?
We choose something different..
When we’re young we quickly learn ways of being, that will help us stay “safe” and accepted by others, whether that’s how we behave at home so we don’t get in trouble off our parents, or how we act around other kids at school, so that we can be deemed “cool” and popular. We build up these facades, to protect us from being hurt by people who might not like us, hiding behind personas we’ve created so that we don’t get cast out by our peers, we abide and people please to avoid upsetting someone who might disagree with us and for a while this might help, but there comes a time when these “masks” no longer serve us, or our higher selves. At what point do we embrace our uniqueness regardless of what others think? At what point do we stand up for who we are and what we believe in? At what point do we say that we’re proud of who we are, regardless if it’s “different”
I don’t just want you to find your authentic self, I want you to love your authentic self. You are beautiful and special because of you’re uniqueness, not despite it
If you feel like you’ve forgotten who you are, underneath the fake smile you show the world, keep reading. I want to share with you a few things that helped me remember who I truly am, and what allows me to thrive in a world designed to knock us down
A good indicator of whether or not your on the right track is to check in with yourself and see how you feel, look inward and be honest with yourself, are you tired after a big day of aligned self expression, or are you exhausted because you’ve been putting on an act, and looking after everyone else? Listen to your inner voice, the one that’s crying out for a break, of course it’s nice to care for others and be a supportive friend when they need you, but at what cost? How you treat yourself, teachers others how to treat you too, if you don’t start putting yourself first, they won’t either. If you show up for yourself and stand in your own power, others will see that, follow your example and be inspired to step forward into their authentic selves as well, which I promise you, feels a lot lighter than just doing it for them
I want you to start by giving yourself permission to put yourself first, let yourself rest and recharge, breathe deep and allow. Allow yourself the time to find out who you truly are, not the you that shows up around your friends or the you who tries to take care of literally everyone else.. We’re going to find out who you are, under all of that. Give yourself some love, acknowledge how beautiful this gift you are giving to yourself is, and be proud
When you feel like you’ve given your body enough time to catch up to you, think about what brings you joy. What fills up your cup? Lets do more of that, and some new things too
First things first, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for prioritising yourself (that includes you). Distance yourself from the people who drain you, the “energy vampires”, the friends who constantly “need” you. We’re here to focus on you, and your process, so be mindful who you share the journey with, some people won’t understand, or are scared to see you grow and set boundaries, they won’t want you to change because your previous lack of boundaries and people pleasing is convenient for them. You get to choose if that distance is temporary or permanent, but please give yourself the time away to do this for yourself, before you let them back into your space. If your friends and family want what’s best for you (which I’m sure they do, but if they don’t they’re not your people) they will understand what you’re doing and why. If they know you well, they would have seen you always bending over backwards for others and they’ll be so happy that you’re finally choosing yourself and your own happiness
Comparison kills, just because you look up to someone, admire their life style or think they have nice clothes, doesn’t mean that you’re less than, please stop pedestooling people, they’re just as human as you are. We live in a world where people are constantly posting their highlight reel on social media and making their lives look perfect, we’re aware that this is the case and yet we still find ourselves comparing and wishing after things that may not even be real. When we do this, we lose ourselves. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel like you’re not enough, and follow more accounts that inspire you to be, and create. You’re welcome to appreciate someone’s “them-ness” but if you’re going to do that, I hope you’re appreciating your “you-ness” more
Find the things that set your soul on fire, whether it’s going for hikes in nature, surfing, breathwork, dancing, creating art, hour long baths, absolutely anything that lights you up. Those things that help you feel connected, alive and free, I want you to spend your days doing that, go out, explore, enjoy yourself and come home feeling content and fulfilled
Express yourself through your fashion and jewellery, through your home interiors, through make up or hair styles, through your favourite hobbies (old or new ones), bake cakes, create floral arrangements, lift weights, write a book, learn an instrument, start a band, protest for causes you believe in. Show up as your fully expressed self, in all your glory and see how confident you can feel in your own skin
If you’re not quite sure, here’s a few ways you can gain clarity and understanding about who you are, and what fulfils you:
When we look inward with the intention of discovering what truly lights us up, we give way to new opportunities, and infinite possibilities. You may be pleasantly surprised to find a new passion or talent that allows you to thrive and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Honest self reflection helps us better understand our habits, emotions and behaviours, when we notice the different patterns showing up, we get to learn which are effective or ineffective for our growth, and make any changes we feel necessary so that we can make better choices moving forward. It also allows us to process our experiences with more clarity and understanding, so that we can heal from them. Through this process we gain more confidence in our relationship with ourselves, which leads to better decision making, clearer communication, and higher self esteem
Building trust with yourself is essential, it’s easy to fall back into old habits when you don’t feel secure in who you are. By being your word, and actually doing what you say you’ll do is the perfect place to start building a solid foundation of trust within yourself. Prove to yourself that you can be reliable, so that when you’re feeling anxious or unsafe you can look back and find proof that you really do have your own back. For example, not succumbing to peer pressure, or letting others manipulate you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Trust me, I know it can be hard to say no, but saying yes to them in those moments, is saying no to yourself.. So practice saying no, the more you do, the easier it’ll become. Surrounding yourself with like minded people who share your values and morals will give you a stronger sense of support and belonging, which can help you to feel more confident in who you are and the choices you make
I highly recommend these tools for anyone who’s feeling lost and unsure about their direction in life or anyone who wants to gain a better understanding of who they are and who they have the potential of becoming. I hope you come out the other side with a new found appreciation for your unique, authentic self
We’re so well practiced at putting on these false identities to please others that we can forget who the real us, actually is. The more often you show up as your authentic self, the more confident you’ll become always being You, and won’t feel the need to choose another “mask” to wear. Self knowledge and self awareness can only grow our love and understanding of ourselves to a deeper and kinder place
Please remember how wonderful your individuality is, and start prioritising it. I hope you find peace and contentment in your journey back to yourself
What are some of your favourite ways to express who you are? Let me know in the comments section
