Becoming your own best friend
“Everywhere you go, there you are.” I believe this quote was initially said with the intended message that you cannot outrun yourself or your problems and if you haven’t yet made peace with your past you’ll be carrying it around as baggage until you do, but I feel it can have a second meaning for those who don’t resonate with that
When I hear this quote I feel it to be a good thing, I hear it with the mentality that no matter where I go or what happens, I am never alone because I have myself
I invite you to sit with that and reflect on which of these meanings feel true for you and how that makes you feel about your relationship with yourself. Whatever the answer is, it’s okay because the thing about self-reflection is once you have an awareness of something, you have the power to change it, if you choose to
I say choose because if you find yourself unhappy about the relationship you have with yourself, or anything in your life for that matter, you can always choose something different, as long as you’re willing to make the required changes to do so and if you’re not willing to then that’s still a choice
So, what are you choosing?
People often think that moving cities or even countries will fix how they feel about themselves and their life, but soon realise that their new surroundings didn’t change how they feel inside. This is because ignoring and suppressing emotions, past traumas or self disdain isn’t going to make them go away, it’s actually the opposite that’s true. When we look directly at what’s hurting us and work on processing and moving through it, it loses power over us
Trying to outrun our issues only ends up in us recreating the same situations and patterns we were trying to escape in the first place because we’re still looking at life through the same lens as before. Our beliefs and mentality about ourselves and life don’t change just because we live somewhere different. If we want to create real change it takes looking inward and shifting our mindset and perspective. Introspection and self-development help to shift how we feel internally, which can alleviate the need to run away
Sometimes healing from your past means having to relive it, which can be scary, but that’s when you get to ask yourself “what’s scarier?” Facing your past trauma with the intention to heal and move forward or trying to ignore it forever, even though it’s weighing you down. You cannot outrun something you are holding onto and you cannot outrun yourself
Unexpressed emotions never leave, no matter how deep you suppress them. They lie and wait, making a home in your body showing themselves to you in ways of sickness, injury and emotional outbursts. They are energy in motion and when we keep them stagnant we are stopping them from what they are meant for, to be felt and listened to, emotions are signals and when acknowledged and understood properly, they can make life so much easier
There is no such thing as “good” or “bad” emotions, they are simply just “emotions.” None of which define you nor do they make up part of your identity. You are you, regardless of the emotions you feel. This is why I speak about embracing the duality of life. There will always be ups and downs but it’s how we handle each experience that determines our ability to move forward from it
The kindest thing I ever did for myself was learning to accept and express all of my emotions and become my own best friend. I’ve found that getting through the difficult times in life has been made a lot smoother because of the strength of my bond, with myself. I know who I am and what’s important to me, I’ve built a solid foundation of trust with myself and proven many times, that I am resilient and capable. So when circumstances get tough I know that I will be okay, because I will always have myself
When I first began self-development I was incredibly co-dependant, constantly people-pleasing and felt that I had lost who I was in order to keep others happy but I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I had made myself wrong for feeling things so deeply and felt like I needed to change that. Along the way I learnt to choose myself, forgive myself and back myself, I now realise what a gift it is to experience my emotions so deeply and accept all of them for what they are
Self-awareness and self-reflection play a big role in being your own best friend because sometimes there are hard truths to face and habits or patterns to reevaluate and if you’re not honest with yourself about those things it makes it difficult to create real self-growth. To begin with, I wasn’t aware of how my actions and choices were impacting my life or how I was feeling, but after making the decision to look inward and adjust, I finally realised just how much power I truly had
So often we speak to ourselves negatively, beat ourselves up for silly mistakes and pick apart all that we don’t love about ourselves, but if you wouldn’t say those things to your friend, you shouldn’t be saying them to yourself. It’s great to set standards for yourself and hope to achieve great things, but it’s also incredibly important to give yourself grace and forgiveness when things don’t work out exactly as you’d imagined them to
In the same way, you’d be honest with your friends, speak kindly of them and support them through both exciting and challenging times, you get to be that person for yourself as well. Being your own best friend means listening to what you need in each moment and choosing accordingly. Sometimes you may need gentle, loving reminders that you’re doing the best you can and other times you might call yourself forward on poor habits and a limiting mindset, all of it is necessary and all of it should be welcomed
Here are some journaling prompts that may support you in strengthening your connection with yourself:
What is something I am proud of myself for?
How can I express myself more authentically?
What is my relationship with myself like?
What would be my ideal relationship with myself?
What changes need to be made to cultivate that?
What affirmations feel the most supportive to me?
Are there any emotions I have been ignoring?
If yes, how can I express them now?
Is there anything I can forgive myself for?
What habits do I have that I would like to change?
Is the content I consume online inspiring me or draining me?
Have I been kind to myself this week?
What does my body need right now?
What does my mind need right now?
Am I okay with being alone?
Do I enjoy my own company?
What is my favourite trait of mine?
What is something I love about others that I can see in myself too?
What is one thing I can do today that my future self will appreciate?
Where can I show myself more kindness and compassion?
What’s something that recharges my energy?
What is something I can do today to strengthen my bond with myself?
Answer these prompts with self-love in mind, if that means lighting a candle, making some hot tea and playing calming music to create a beautiful and gentle atmosphere then please do so. Cultivating a loving connection with yourself will strengthen all areas of your life, so take it seriously and prioritise taking the time to work on it
If you feel that your relationship with yourself isn’t where you’d like it to be I’d suggest starting off by creating a home environment in which you feel safe in your own space, where you can be content and at peace being yourself. When we feel secure enough to be our true authentic selves that’s when we can begin to truly fall in love with all parts of us. Even the pieces of ourselves that we haven’t always liked start to feel beautiful and accepted
Building self-trust is essential for becoming your own best friend. When your actions are in alignment with who you say you are, it allows you to feel secure enough to rely on yourself through challenging times, making it easier to persevere and have faith that everything will be okay. If you’re someone who constantly says one thing but does another, you’re teaching your subconscious that you are not your word, creating instability within your foundation, making it difficult to trust yourself
Avoid looking outside of yourself for validation and recognition, any friendships or relationships you have should be an added bonus of enjoyable connection, not something you rely on for happiness. When you have a good relationship with yourself, you don’t need to look for approval externally because you’ve already got that strong, supportive foundation with yourself
If you are not willing to put yourself first and prioritise your own goals and aspirations in life, you cannot expect someone else to. You shouldn’t rely on someone else to motivate or encourage you to go out and achieve the things you say you want, that’s up to you. You have incredible potential, trust in that and back yourself 100%
How you love yourself teaches others how to love you too, so when they pick up on your clear, loving energy your friendships will flourish. When you truly know yourself, trust yourself and love yourself, you can create deeper connections because you are showing up as your true authentic self and that energy is magnetic. When others witness you embracing all parts of yourself, it gives them permission to do the same for themselves as well, which is incredibly beautiful
When you do something “wrong,” feel disappointed about an outcome or forget to do something, it’s important to not beat yourself up over it and to forgive yourself. Having the ability to forgive yourself for mistakes made or something that didn’t work out as planned is a really healing and compassionate trait that builds upon the existing friendship you have with yourself
Being truly comfortable and content in your own company is such a beautifully, blissful feeling. Some of my favourite memories in life have been ones where I am alone or in some cases surrounded by people but so present in my own moment that their energy doesn’t impact mine
For example, seeing live music being played in concert or at festivals. To experience those moments of pure euphoria, where I’ve felt so present with the way the music is moving me or how deeply special it is to be standing in front of the artist who created the songs I live my life to. I always make sure to take a moment to myself and really appreciate how incredible life is. The same goes for sunsets, sunrises and sunbeams shining through the clouds. Watching waves crash, the feeling of wind in my hair or the breeze on my skin. When it’s a little bit chilly and the air feels fresh and thin. I like to take a deep breath and soak in that feeling of peace, even just for a second
With constant access to social media and streaming sites to numb our minds, it’s easy to distract ourselves from the present moment and ignore our emotions or how we truly feel about ourselves, but to have the ability to check in with yourself and be honest about your choices is an incredibly healthy and nurturing trait. Calling yourself forward on self-sabotaging behaviour and unhealthy habits could be one of the most loving things you ever do for yourself. Life is meant to be celebrated and experienced, not endured and survived. We are all guilty of living life in a state of auto-pilot from time to time, forgetting to live fully but it’s up to us to snap ourselves out of it and get back into actually living
As I mentioned earlier, you cannot escape yourself, however, once you’ve begun looking inward and reevaluating your life situations, you may realise that your surroundings aren’t the most nurturing environment for you and you might choose to make some changes. Changing your environment can be a wonderful thing, that helps you to realign and thrive. Consider nature, when a flower is planted in good quality soil its ability to grow is strengthened, whereas if it was placed in an environment less suited it would struggle to live. Humans are the same, if we are not in an environment conducive to our growth and happiness, changing those surroundings can strengthen our quality of life
That could be your living arrangements, your job, the people you spend time with or even what you choose to listen to and watch. Moving further out into nature could be the one thing that helps you feel truly at home. Limiting the time you spend scrolling on social media could allow you the time freedom to pick up a new hobby that fills you with creative passion. Choosing to drift apart from friends who are no longer in alignment with you could enable you to connect with new people who actually are. Learning to listen to your own voice instead of society’s could empower you to think in a completely different way. Listening to an inspiring podcast could motivate you to improve your lifestyle and mindset. Your environment is everything, so choose one that feels most like home to you
Self-love, sometimes it truly is, as simple as a walk outside in nature and the time to just be and reflect. Other times it’s saying no to people or speaking with a therapist. People are quick to dismiss face masks and bubble baths as forms of self-care but the truth is that whatever you feel you may need in that moment, should be respected and allowed, because when you give yourself that time and space, you may find that there is more there than you realised, that’s why it is so important to pay attention and listen to your body. Giving back to yourself and allowing what is present for you to come forward is a beautiful practice that should never be considered unimportant
As well as listening I also find asking “why” to be an important part of the conversation because usually there’s always more to it. If I’m hearing that I need some time alone to reflect and journal, there’s usually a whole bunch of emotions underneath that request, wanting to be felt, expressed and released. Had I said to myself “I don’t have time to do that, I need to finish x,y,z instead” then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to feel those emotions fully, resulting in suppressing them which will only cause more harm than good in the long run. That’s why prioritising that initial request and getting beneath what’s there for me, is a form of self-care that should always be taken seriously
Becoming your own best friend will change your life in so many ways, but if you haven’t yet made it there I hope you don’t forget to enjoy the process of learning more about yourself, choosing what feels right for you and cultivating self-love along the way
Be honest, respectful and kind to yourself
Be unwaveringly proud and unapologetically confident in your abilities and potential
You have everything you need within you
