Friendships
Photography by Danielle Ann Rose @bydanielleannrose
Building strong connections with the people in my life is one of my top priorities, I have been truly blessed with the most beautiful friendships, relationship and family but the truth about that is, together we’ve put in the effort and care to create stable foundations and genuine connections, allowing the bond to remain for a very long time
Society puts so much attention on romantic relationships over any other form of connection, resulting in a lot of people not knowing how to maintain or properly nurture platonic friendships. There’s a strong emphasis on finding “the one” and sometimes that can mean people neglect their friendships in order to focus on romantic relationships, with the mindset that friendships come and go
Friendships don’t always have to be temporary, for some people their friends are their family and to me, that is such a beautiful thing. To know that even if you live far away from your family, don’t get along with them or have sadly lost them, you can still find people to enjoy and experience life with. Friendships only come and go if you don’t care for them properly
Communication and appreciation are key. I’ve found that actually telling the people in my life exactly how much they mean to me, allows the connection to flourish and thrive. When life gets busy taking the time to call, message or catch up reminding them how special they are and how deeply I value them really goes a long way
Friendships have the potential of being so magical and one of the most beautiful experiences in life, that’s why I said they are a priority to me, but it’s important to remember that, care and effort are a two-way street
Notice if someone is constantly taking from you but never giving in return, always venting to you but never there when you need them or if you can feel them manipulating and using you. In these cases, I hope you decide to put yourself first and end those friendships, let them know why you feel that would be the best option and move forward with your life. Don’t be surprised if they disagree and try to turn it back on you, that’s part of the manipulation
In other cases, people are just unaware of their actions, this is why communication is essential. Communicating your standards and boundaries in friendship is important so that both people know what is and isn’t acceptable
It may seem easier to just avoid the conflict and I’ve definitely been guilty of that in the past, but assuming it was better to say nothing and keep my feelings to myself to avoid upsetting them only resulted in me feeling resentful, disappointed and hurt in the long run, leaving the friendship feeling drained and underappreciated instead of having a proper discussion about how I was feeling and working through it together
In movies and tv shows growing up we were always shown inseparable best friends or a close group who were always together which gave us the idea that friendships would be unconditional, long term and light-hearted, but the reality of this is, once you leave school or any environment where you are consistently spending time with someone, that person may no longer be your closest friend or you just might not spend as much time with them anymore and that’s when people can begin to feel like they’re losing their friends but even if you aren’t seeing them regularly, it’s still possible to maintain that connection, it just takes a little more intention
Adult friendships are different to childhood and teenage friendships but that doesn’t mean they aren’t quality connections that deserve care and attention. As we grow up there becomes less free time for sleepovers and full days spent together, so that’s when we get to shift our mindset and ideas around what friendship should look like and do what we can to nurture them as they are, instead of comparing them to previous circumstances
Remind your friends you want to spend time with them, so many people that are feeling lonely and in need of company feel like they can’t reach out because they don’t want to be annoying or think that others wouldn’t actually want to spend time with them. So remember to check in, send your love or organise a catch-up, you never know how much it will mean to someone
Genuine connections don’t have to be just for those closest to you, you can form a genuine connection with someone you just met, this stems from being open and authentic in the way you speak to people. Your energy communicates to them that you are open and honest allowing them to feel safe around you. Not all people will be as close to you as others, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to meet an honest and genuine you
Allow your friends to have other strong friendships without feeling left out or jealous, it’s okay to enjoy different things with different people instead of creating a co-dependent relationship with your closest friend and not spending time with anyone else. When someone decides to do something with someone else, it does not mean anything about you and your bond with them
It’s okay to have disagreements and time apart, it doesn’t mean the friendship is over or ruined but it does create space for it to become stronger because you haven’t suppressed any issues or forced the friendship to work when you both need space instead. If there’s an element of awkwardness because something’s not being said, choose to have that discussion and talk it out instead of just assuming it’ll go away or that they have to be the one to bring it up. Your friends cannot read your mind and may not know what you need when you need it. Communicate that in the moment to avoid any confusion or upset feelings, if you don’t tell them they won’t know
If you realise a friendship has come to an end, allow yourself the time to actually process that and grieve appropriately. Even if you know it’s best for both of you to go your separate ways, that’s still a big change, there is now a gap in your life where their friendship once was, so take as much time and space as you need to feel whatever emotions arise and don’t let anyone rush you to get over it quicker than you’re ready to
I hear people talking about how difficult it can be to find new friends as an adult and what I think that really comes down to is a willingness to be open to new connections and sometimes that can mean being vulnerable which can be scary, but it’s also really beautiful
As long as you’re willing to put yourself out there, try new hobbies and connect with new people you’ll find that it gets to be easy, fun and exciting. A great way to start is by building on the connections you’ve already formed with acquaintances and friends of friends. Make an effort to find commonalities and cultivate a genuine connection from the very beginning. If it feels forced or harder than necessary that could be because they aren’t being open with you, as I mentioned friendship is a two-way street and the other person has to be willing to meet you halfway
Wanting someone to meet you halfway in friendship is not you being needy or having high expectations of them, that’s the bare minimum and if they aren’t willing to do that then they aren’t the type of friend you want in your life
Our friends become a reflection of who we are and vice versa, so if you don’t like who you see in that reflection it may be time to form some new friendships or to limit the time spent with those specific people. We become what we surround ourselves with, so make sure the people and conversations being had around you are ones that inspire and lift you up. That doesn’t mean you need to dump all your friends and get new ones, it just means be mindful and consider encouraging your friends to have more meaningful conversations rather than gossiping, which may feel awkward at first but an uncomfortable conversation can create opportunities for you to grow and form stronger connections
A true friendship can bring so much depth into your life. For me, that means having someone who genuinely cares for you, celebrates and encourages you, someone who gives you a sense of belonging and community… even if that is a community of two. This is something I feel so deeply lucky to have experienced
If you feel you might need some support strengthening your connections, I encourage you to read the blog post “unconditional love, genuine connection”
