Communication and connection

Photography by Danielle Ann Rose @bydanielleannrose

I speak a lot about connection, whether that be how to connect with yourself, ways to strengthen your connections with others, connecting with mother nature, or why I believe that all of the above is so important, and almost every single time I mention it, it’s followed by the word communication. So I thought today would be the perfect opportunity to elaborate on why that is

Communication is a two-way street between the person sharing and the person listening, both are responsible for the message getting across correctly. Sometimes when we are the ones speaking we can get too caught up in our own story that we share too many details too soon but still expect the other person to follow along and comprehend accurately, this is how miscommunications can happen. It’s just as easy to fall into the habit of listening to respond and focusing more on what we are going to say next rather than listening to properly understand what is being said, this is how misunderstandings can happen. With the amount of talking humans do every day, you can imagine just how often we aren’t communicating effectively and the impact that is having on our relationships and connections

Everyone has a different communication style which can be tricky to navigate, so try to remain as patient and understanding as possible. During conversations, it’s important to actively listen and ask open-ended questions so that you can obtain clarity about what is being shared with you, this helps the other person to feel supported and understood

Another thing to consider is how the person you're sharing with is feeling. Do they have the emotional and energetic capacity to take on the information you are about to share with them and are they as invested in the conversation as you are? Sometimes we get excited to tell a story or feel frustrated and want to vent but if the other person isn’t in a position to hold that space for us, it’s important to respect that. We don’t want anyone to feel drained from the conversation

Being vulnerable and sharing something personal with someone gives them a better understanding of who you really are and why that is, this can build rapport, grow affection, and form a deeper connection between you. It doesn’t have to be your greatest trauma or deepest fear but being open and allowing that person to know something a little more personal about yourself is a really beautiful way to strengthen your bond

Don’t forget to ask them thoughtful questions in return, this lets the other person know that you’re open to having them share personal topics with you as well. Even if they aren’t ready to share yet, letting them know that you are available for those types of conversations can help them feel supported by you, strengthening your connection even more

If opening up to others feels out of your comfort zone, start slowly with just one person and build your connection with them first so you can experience just how special a bond can be when someone knows you on a more personal and intimate level. It can be incredibly healing to share things that you’ve kept quiet or private because being able to say it all out loud allows you to release it and move forward with the love and support of the people around you

Letting someone see past the surface level can feel scary but that is what will help people connect with you because they will be able to see the real you and fall in love with your uniqueness and all the things that make you, you. Keeping people at arm's length in hopes to protect yourself from being hurt or judged might feel like the safe bet, but living life like that can feel lonely and isolating

To those who might read this and think this is a simple and obvious way to connect or make friends, please know there are a lot of people out there who don’t feel that way and it could take you being that one supportive and encouraging friend that shows them they are safe to share who they are, what’s important to them and what they’ve been through. For some, it can be incredibly difficult to trust people and feel safe enough to be themselves, so please be understanding of how they might be feeling and encourage them to open up in their own time

My beautiful friend Katie introduced me to this really great card game called we’re not really strangers which put simply is a box of cards with questions to ask one another to help get to know each other better. It was really fun to play together and build upon our already strong and wonderful friendship. I feel like this is such a special opportunity for people to connect on a deeper level without feeling awkward asking questions they might not know how to ask without the prompts of these cards

I looked up the card game online and found that Koreen (the person who made it) had the intention of empowering meaningful connections with others, which is honestly so pure and beautiful. I was so glad to see that there are people out there who understand how important it is for us to bridge the gap and know that everyone is going through something and we really aren’t that different

Another way that communication is important in connection is when there are unspoken words and feelings. In these situations, we can get caught up telling ourselves stories about what’s happening and allow things to get blown out of proportion but unless we actually have a conversation with the other person about it, it’s almost impossible to see things from their perspective or to know what they are thinking

If something is on your mind it’s best to speak about it and check in with the other person to see if something needs to be worked out or if it’s just a misunderstanding. I know there have been cases in my life where I’ve avoided confrontation or awkward conversations by keeping things to myself but the truth is, that only turned into bigger issues, that were even more uncomfortable than the initial conversations would’ve ever been. This taught me that taking one moment of courage to have a conversation, talk through issues, and clear the air can save a lot of stress, drama, overthinking, and hurt feelings

Having a conversation and working through your issues together (even if that means choosing to end the friendship) takes love and compassion, builds respect for one another, and strengthens the integrity of the relationship, whereas choosing to hold onto resentment and withholding communication erodes connection, causes anxiety and builds distrust. I certainly know which one I would prefer

As I said earlier, we aren’t all that different. Sometimes all it comes down to is clearer communication, honest conversations, and genuine connections. We owe it to ourselves and the ones we love to prioritize that

The one last point I’d like to make is that all of this relates to your connection with yourself as well, don’t neglect yourself in the process of connecting with others. Continue to listen to what your mind, heart, and body are telling you. Remain open and curious about learning new things about yourself, you are an ever-growing, multi-talented human being, and you haven’t met all versions of yourself yet. When you do this, not only does your connection with yourself thrive but all areas of your life will begin to flourish