Listen to your body (again)

Photography by Danielle Ann Rose @bydanielleannrose

One of my very first blog posts was called “Listen to your body,” in it, I spoke about paying attention to what our bodies are telling us and how to express whatever emotions we are being asked to release

In this blog post, I want to focus more on the fact that if we listen carefully enough, our bodies will tell us what we need to know and why we should trust them and ourselves over anyone else. To do so, I want to share a story with you of how I was reminded of this very important truth

This one random night, I was laying in bed, drifting off to sleep when suddenly I began to feel incredibly anxious. It felt like it started out of nowhere and I wasn’t sure what was causing it, I know my mental health can be quite up and down at times and that’s something I’ve learnt to embrace but this was different. It felt like my nervous system was on overdrive and the level of anxiety I was experiencing was something I had never felt before. I knew something was off but couldn’t place what it was, I had the worst sleep of my life and the feeling never left

For months I felt this way, researching relentlessly about anything and everything I could think of that could possibly be causing this peak in my nervous system, trying everything I had access to, that might help balance, calm, regulate, anything. Some things were more effective than others, but it was still lingering, my mind would not silence, and my heart would not stop racing. It felt like I was having 35, 000 thoughts a second, constantly scanning my body, mind, and life for problems I could resolve in order to put an end to this feeling. I had done so much inner and outer work but felt no changes, I was physically and emotionally drained

The only thing left for me to check was my iron levels, it was one of the first things I thought of but it almost seemed too simple and it wasn’t that long ago that I had my iron levels checked and was told they were “normal,” which is how every iron test I’ve ever done had played out so I trusted it and went on with my life because I believed the Doctor would have given me honest and correct advice based on what was right for me and my health

As time went on and I hadn’t gotten to the bottom of the way I was feeling, I finally went to the Doctor to get a blood test. This time when I went in the results of the test held more weight because it wasn’t just a routine check-up, I needed clear answers. I saw the same Doctor again and explained to her how I had been feeling and requested to have my iron levels checked, to which she responded “Those symptoms sound like panic attacks, not low iron” which honestly made me panic *more.* At no point did she ask me if I was okay or ask any follow-up questions about my lifestyle or support network to find out why I might be experiencing something as intense as a potential panic attack or if I was equipped with any kind of coping skills to handle such a thing

As I had already gone down that path of research and had multiple therapy sessions discussing it, I didn’t try to continue that specific conversation with her, and instead insisted on getting my blood tested for low iron, she looked at my file and said “you had your iron levels tested last year and they were normal” to which I confirmed, continuing to request my iron levels be checked. The Doctor printed the script and sent me to the Pathology person down the hall

The blood test didn’t take long and off I went to work. I felt fine and didn’t think much of the interaction until someone asked me about it and I instantly started crying. At that moment I realised the weight of what was said to me, the lack of care I was shown and the pure fear I had of it being anything other than low iron

I hadn’t heard back about my results in the time frame I was told I would so I called and asked for them, to which the Receptionist told me my results looked “fine,” so I asked her to send me a copy of them with the intention of taking them to either another Doctor or Naturopath for further care and advice. I was told if I wanted a copy sent to me that I would have to speak with one of the Doctors on the phone, so I agreed

This time I spoke to a different Doctor, who advised me that my results last time were 32, with the “normal” range starting from 30 and this time my results were 10, which he told me was “dangerously low” and that I would need to get a double dosage iron infusion. As much as I didn’t like hearing that my body had such low levels of iron, I was just relieved to find some kind of answer to how I had been feeling so I happily agreed to the infusion. I don’t know what “fine” results the Receptionist was looking at but let’s move on…

So, I go in for the mandatory consult for the infusion which happened to be with the first Doctor I spoke with and she looks at my results and says “Oh, that is very low. You must be feeling really awful” to which I looked at her pretty surprised by her reaction, said yeah and listed off all the same symptoms as I explained to her the first time while she just kind of nodded along. We agree I need the double infusion and she books me in for a week later

I go back in on the agreed date ready to have a drip in my arm for an hour and to start feeling better soon. I won’t drag the story on by telling you all the ways this was the most chaotic experience of my entire life, but trust me there was blood where there should not have been blood and it was wild

As the iron was entering my bloodstream, my mind immediately went calm and quiet, I felt peaceful in an environment that was anything but and I was so relieved to know I would no longer be deficient in iron. I didn’t know if that would 100% fix how I was feeling but I felt good about it and my nervous system thanked me for it

I tell you all of this as a reminder that our bodies are constantly telling us what we need to know. Mine was screaming at me and I dismissed the simple answer because I thought this big reaction I was experiencing needed some big breakdown or breakthrough to clear it, but sometimes it is the simple things that need our attention, not everything has to be a complex issue with layers of resolution

We get to be the ones who advocate for our own health and we get to be proactive in finding answers, even if the people we thought would help and support us don’t show up for us in the way we hoped they would. That Doctor probably sees so many patients a day, and as much as I expected better from her, this is my body and my health and what matters at the end of all of this is that I pushed forward and figured out what my body needed, no matter the obstacles or inconveniences placed in front of me

I am so proud of myself for never giving up or just accepting that extreme anxiousness as a normal part of my life, even after months of not being able to figure it out. My body was trying to tell me something and although it took me a while to actually hear what it was saying, I’m glad I listened

You only have one body in this life and it absolutely matters if you are complacent with it, so listen to your body and please prioritise your health, both mental and physical. No one else is responsible for your well-being, so don’t take it for granted or accept poor health as an option. You deserve more than that

I would love to hear if you have any similar stories or any tips you might have for calming the mind and listening to your body